Break Every Chain

"It is finished."   John 19:30


What happens when we don't believe these words? What happens when, no matter how many times we say them in the depths of our hearts, we don't believe the truth from Jesus' own lips?


It has been a very long time since my last post, and that's partly because of a mountain of coursework and revision that has been keeping me very busy, and partly because I haven't really been able to explain or formulate in my mind what I have been wanting to write. 


As my first year of university is drawing to an end, I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks reflecting on all that has happened and changed in the past few months. This time last year I was stressed out, revising for my A Levels, unaware of what direction I was going in. I think its fair to say that my life has come full circle, and looking back at all the ups and downs of the last year is completely humbling. The truth that God was with me guiding me through all the downs and rejoicing with me through the ups hits me like a brick wall. It seems too good to be true, but in hindsight I can see clearly all that he has done, how much he has changed me, taught me and recreated me this year. 


Now don't worry, the purpose of this post isn't to bore you with all the details of the past year, but what I do hope to do is pass on a little of what God has been teaching me in the past few weeks. It's hard to explain this without first admitting some of the struggles I have been having, and how God, with his amazing love, has carried me through.


It's true that all of us, no matter how 'holy' we make ourselves appear, slip up. But I think that sometimes knowing about God and believing that we are meant to have eternal life with Him causes us to put pressure on ourselves. When we make mistakes, as Christians, we feel unworthy, unloving, false. For a long time this is how I have felt. I have carried around a lot of shame and fear that I would discovered as a 'phony' Christian. I felt like at any moment someone was going to tell me that my ticket into heaven was void, that I was barred from approaching the throne of God. I tried to hide from this, tried to cover my failings up, but ultimately my sin would keep coming back, and no matter how much I told myself "I am forgiven," in my heart I clung on to the belief that my sin was too much.


About a month ago I had a word from God during a time of worship. It pointed me towards 1Corinthians 13. At first I thought to myself, "why am I reading this?" I knew these verses almost off by heart, they're pretty much staple verses. But as I read on and listened to the music in the background I begun to realise that God wanted me to relearn something, something that I had forgotten. 


"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."     1 Corinthians 13: 4-8


Love never fails. Ever.


It was becoming clear to me as I read this that God wanted to teach me about His love, again. That somewhere along the way I had lost the feeling of amazement and awe of His presence in my life. That I had gotten too comfortable with the idea of Him. 


Over time I have come to realise that although I am significant enough that God has saved me, that He continues to reach out to me, that He loves me that much, I am not so significant that I could be the only exception to His sacrificial love. For a long time I had been walking around, completely convicted of the saving power of the Cross, in awe of the power it has, praying that I would someday see my friends realise this. But I had become totally numbed to the fact that this has already happened in my life. I was so overwhelmed by the things that had gone wrong in my life, in the things that I had done, that I felt unsaved. That couldn't be farther from the truth.


The Cross isn't something that you can just take back and ask for a refund or exchange. It isn't subjective, there aren't any terms and conditions. If God's love can move the mountains, its hardly going to run away at the sight of my sin. Christ saved me, and there is nothing I can do to mess this up. 


Once I had begun to realise that Christ's sacrifice on the cross was the final word, I felt unburdened. Because in spite of my mistakes and my sin, God's love is so GOOD that it does not hold onto these things, and neither should I. Fear that I will sin again is still with me. But I know that God is also there and that He isn't going anywhere, He has got me. Looking back on the past year, it hasn't been much different than other years, because even though lots about my life has changed, I'm in the same place now that I was a year ago. Preparing for exams, stressed out (sometimes), unaware of what the future holds. And God is still with me. I haven't driven him away yet, and I'm pretty sure I wont. Ever. 


Aware that this post is in danger of turning into a novel, I will wrap up with a few closing truths.
There is power in the name of Jesus.
It does break every chain.
And His love never fails.


And this Easter, a LOT of praise will be sent God's way for this!


God Bless and a very Happy Easter.

Yesterday, Today and Forever

"Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."      Isaiah 40:28-29

I think it's safe to say that my mum, despite all she has to deal with, always looks on the bright side of life. (cue the whistling). After talking to her on the phone about my worries and stresses, I always feel much calmer and composed. She always takes things one step at a time, looks for the best possible outcome, and has way more common sense than I do! This mother's day I really want to thank her for that. My mum is a constant, and always on my side. I thank God for her everyday. I also thank God that He is there to back her up. 

God is constant. God is eternal. Even though our lives change daily, He never changes. 

 Today I really needed to be reminded of that. Talking to my mum as she listened to all my worries, I was reminded of the fact that, just like my Mother is always there to encourage and help me, God is there too, to catch me when I fall, and to comfort me when I feel hurt.

I think this goes back to my previous post about being CHILDREN of God. We cannot hope to get through this life on our own understanding, we need the support of our Lord to carry us through. He is our heavenly FATHER and is always dependable. He loves like a mother does, unconditionally and completely. 

In the words of Steph Macleod:

I know, whatever might pass,

I'm not alone.

My Father catches me

No matter how fast I'm falling.

With love that carries me,

When I'm lost and broken.

I rise like an eagle,

On wings I soar over mountains high,

Singing you are my Father.

I can tell you that this song will be on repeat for the next few days! I hope this short post has served as an encouragement to you all. This time of year is often a time of stress and weariness as coursework deadlines and exams approach, but I pray that whatever is going on in our lives, God will be at the centre. I pray that this would be a time not of worry and anxiety, but of excitement and of opportunity to draw nearer to our Lord as Easter approaches. And I thank God that even when I fall, he catches me. And even though I change, he stays the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Peace and Blessings. 

Limitless and Cloudless Hope

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."   Matthew 18:3

If I had to sum up the past year in terms of my personal journey, I would say it has been a year of growing up. Turning 18, and dealing with all the implications of that change, moving away from home, learning to cook, managing my own money and time, renting a house for next year, paying deposits and bills, and learning to be independent. This all seems to have come a bit fast. Although I wouldn't say that I was necessarily immature a year ago, I do feel a very different person now to what I was like then. This has been a year of transformation.

Whilst it seems a bit scary that I'm suddenly in the deep end, having to deal with finances and tenancy agreements, I'm also very grateful that the Lord has gotten me through what could be a potentially difficult and spiritually dangerous time, relatively unscathed. Because just as I have had to grow up and become more and more responsible, I also feel that I have had to become more and more childlike. 

Have you ever seen a child dance? When children dance, its like they have forgotten that anyone can see them, it doesn't matter what music is on or what moves they are doing, they are they purely to dance and have fun. After 18 years of waiting to grow up, to be independent and responsible, I want to live my life like a child dances.

When we find that our identity is in Christ alone, we know that our chains are broken. We feel deeply changed and want everything in our lives to be worthy of this love. This is hard for us, because we know that we are imperfect. But Jesus gives us the answer. 

If we come before God as His children, childlike in our worship, dependent on Him, and without fear or worry, our lives become worthy.

I can remember being a child in Sunday school, totally enthralled and in awe of this idea of a God who could do miracles and wonders with one word, who could create the world and then come to us as a Human to save us. God sounded to me like a superhero. That childish wonder is something I want to feel again every day. I don't want my faith to be dictated by my academic understanding of the bible, or the events of my week, the things that are worrying me. I want it to be filled with childlike dancing, wondering at a God who is constant, who never grows old. 

God promises, that if we humble ourselves before Him as little children, we will be welcomed home. And that to me is quite a bit more exciting then when a child finds out that there parents are taking them to Disneyland. 

Wide, wide as the ocean,

High as the heaven above;

Deep, deep as the deepest sea

ls my Saviour's love.

l, though so unworthy,

Still am a child of His care;

For His Word teaches me

That His love reaches me everywhere.   (Wide, wide as the ocean, C.A. Miles)




Blessings to you all.

Sigh No More

"Every day I will praise you
     and extol your name for ever and ever."    Psalm 145: 2


 I will be the first to admit that self-motivation is not one of my strong points. This is obviously a hindrance when my degree depends upon the fact that I learn to manage my time well. Being a History student doesn't help this situation, with only around 10 hours contact time a week, the free time rarely equates to "independent study" time. It's more like "independent sleepy, eaty, watch a filmy" time. A lot of time is spent reflecting on how productive my day has been with disappointment. 


OK, so it seems that all I do is pay three grand a year to lounge around ... this is not true! But I will admit that up until recently I have gotten by with only doing what is required of me, and its been less than enjoyable. For a few months its been hard for me to find motivation and interest in my course, despite the fact that I'm confident that I'm in the right place, and doing what God has called me to do. 


A while ago, one of my non-Christian friends criticised me (in a friendly and helpful way, I should add) on spending more time on my faith than my studies. It's true that I would rather spend my time reading scripture, in prayer, worshipping or talking about God than writing an essay on the Korean War, but it really struck me that he saw these two aspects of my life as separated and in conflict with one another. Whenever I think about my faith in God, I had assumed that it filled up every part of me, and that it informed all aspects of my life. But the truth is, I had shut Him out of my academic career for a long time. 


Scripture calls us to be dwelling on God at all times and to do everything for His glory.
 --> "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."   1Corinthians 10:31
With this in mind, serving God can come in many forms. If we are truly cross-centred men and women, then we should see Christ's love and glory filling every aspect of our lives until it overflows, and we should be worshipping and praising God constantly for this. Now I'm not suggesting that we have to all get together and have a worship marathon that lasts for days (although that would be amazing, if not extremely exhausting) but finding time to thank God for the little things, the things we take for granted, like toothpaste, and the opportunity to talk to people at the bus stop, or for his protection as we cross the road, reminds us of His constant presence in our everyday lives.


When we are called or placed somewhere by the Lord, He obviously has plans for us, and lessons for us to learn. In my case, God put on this course for a reason, and although His motives may not yet be apparent, He requires me to give my all, for His glory. What I have learnt is that serving and worshipping Him isn't always about singing songs or volunteering to help out in your community. Doing what He has called us to do, and following His agenda daily is ultimately the best way to serve God's purpose and become kingdom builders. 


A few weeks ago, I had a bit of a revelation. If God truly does know my heart better than I do, and has plans for me, why would he send me to do something that I am going to fail at or have no motivation to do?  And even though many parts of me still want to scream when faced with reading a journal article on middle class conciousness in revolutionary France, entering into such a task with the thought that, despite myself, God truly has given me a passion for my subject and an enquiring mind to learn more about the world I live in, helps me to find enjoyment and motivation. In the end, what more motivation do I need than a chance to serve the Lord who I love and draw nearer to Him? 


Maybe sometimes we all need to take a step back and think about the areas of our lives where we know God is prompting and nudging us to do something but we feel a lack of motivation. 


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to Him, and He will direct your paths."      Proverbs 3:5-6


Peace and Love 

You Know Me

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."   John 15:13

It's St Valentine's Day today, if any of you were unsure of the date, and I know as a single, post-feminism woman I should be writing a bitter message about how commercialised, old fashioned and sickening this day is. In the past I have held these views, but now as a follower of Christ, I can't help but rejoice at a day dedicated to LOVE. 

After reading back over my previous post, I think I didn't really explain well how fear is overcome. It isn't something that just comes naturally as soon as you come to know God, but is through a recognition of His love and a concious act of faith that He will protect us when we are in those dark places that saves us from fear. Fear is OF this world, which, as Christians we know cannot allow to dictate our lives, but instead we turn to God's love and celebrate that through loving and following Him with our whole being. 

And on a day that is all about the L-word, I couldn't help but think about what it all actually means. Over the weekend, I spent time with people I love very much, friends and family, and I truly feel blessed to have them in my life. But I know that if I relied on their love alone, I would still have days where I feel lonely and unloved. There would still be moments where someone speaks harsh words over me and I believe them. There would be times where I would find myself wishing that I had more relationships, seeking more and more worldly love. 

We humans are obsessed with understanding and analysing love. This is the basis of many novels, songs and films. Looking at my film collection tonight I can see that I have been drawn into this trap (excluding the odd action film or adventure/fantasy series it mostly comprises of romcoms and period dramas). Although it isn't exactly a sin to enjoy these films, it does seem a little ridiculous to base my understanding of a loving relationship on whatever predicament Katherine Hiegl has gotten herself into lately.

The truth is, despite Jane Austen's literary brilliance, she cannot match my Father in heaven or his "Guide to Loving for Dummies" (AKA The Bible). 

Through the Gospel we can learn how to love. Through Christ's example we know that it is unconditional. And through God's grace we know that it is never-ending.

This truth is made even more amazing by the fact that he loves us in spite of our insignificance and sinfulness. The title of this post refers to my favourite song at the moment, "You Know Me" by Bethel Music feat. Steffany Frizzell. The lyrics of this song are hugely powerful and remind me of how far God's love reaches:

You know when I rise, and when I fall

When I come or go, You see it all

You hung the stars and You move the sea

And still you know me

This God, who created the world, and has power over everything surely has more important things to be doing than watching over me? He knows that I turn away from Him, and He knows that I will never be able to love Him back the same way He loves me, yet he still seeks me out. He loved me so much that He suffered and died for me, so that I could be free of chains. He knows everything about me, He knows exactly how I feel, and He knows what I need. 

It's too much to put into words. Except - God is Love!

So as this Valentine's Day is drawing to a close, I'm not going to do what I have done in previous years (eat lots of chocolate and feel sorry for myself). because I know that the love I receive today is far greater than a dozen red roses, or an engagement ring. It will last tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. It will be for eternity. 

God Bless.

Rock of Peace

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4


I wasn't sure that the blog thing would happen this week. For the past few posts, I have had ideas and thoughts brewing for days, and it has come so easily. But this week, I was blank. I tried everything: meditating on Bible verses, praying, sitting for a while listening for God to place something on my heart, listening to music, going out for a walk. The funny thing is, that the idea for this post came to me when I wasn't pursuing it, when I was stood at the kitchen sink washing some dishes and singing "Faithful One"(Brian Doerksen). This is about something that I didn't think really affected me, but as I thought deeper about it, I realised that it is something that holds many of us back from pursuing God. 


I have a friend (and if he's reading this, he knows who he is) who always says "I don't do fear, I gave it up for Lent." Even though he says this on a regular basis, I'm always taken aback a little, because to me, fear isn't something you can just decide to give up. And I always wonder if anyone ever truly can eradicate fear from their lives. 


Fear can be damaging. It can be paralysing. It can prevent us from living the fullness of life. But I think what can be the most detrimental aspect of fear is that many of us, and I include myself in this category, have accepted that it is part of life. We allow it to become part of our identity. We allow it to shape and define us. 


Now when I said that I didn't think this topic really affected me, I wasn't implying that I am fearless. On reflection, I'm actually a bit of a wuss. Here are some examples:

• My drama teacher at school decided it would be a great idea to go see The Woman in Black at the theatre, and I have never been more scared in my life. For most of the play, I sat there clinging to my best friend and screaming. Admittedly, I wasn't that bad, one girl was in floods of tears when the curtain came up. But the embarrassing bit comes afterwards, as my friend and I could be seen sprinting down the high street to get to the warm safety of the car, jumping out of our skins every time we saw our reflections in the shop windows. (Don't let this put you off going to see the play or the film, or reading the book for that matter, it is amazing!)
• About a year ago, I was walking up the stairs to go to bed and just before I got to the turning at the top of the landing, I saw a MASSIVE spider just chilling out on the top step. He was mocking me clearly, refusing to move. So there I was, frozen halfway up the stairs, unsure whether to risk running past him, or go back down stairs to get my Dad (which of course would mean turning my back on the monster, which was an unattractive idea) In the end I decided that screaming was the way forward.
• For my sister's hen party, my other big sister decided it would be a wonderful idea to go to Go Ape! A high ropes course in the middle of a forest. She made this decision knowing full well that I don't deal well with  being suspended from a wire at great height, whilst being expected to complete an obstacle course (whatever happened to spa weekends, or excessive alcohol consumption?) I did complete the course, but I still had to endure the humiliation of skipping parts of the course that my mum managed to do (and she's no spring chicken!) I hope my mum doesn't read this. 

These fears may seem trivial and now I can look back and laugh at how silly I was. But at the time, the fear was real and paralysing. When I was stood at the kitchen sink this week, singing that song, I was reminded of another time I sang it to diffuse my fear. Because what got me through that high ropes course was not determination, or even the encouragement from my family around me. About halfway through the course, I decided to stop looking down, and I began to sing. I asked God to be with me, I gave Him thanks for being my Deliverer, and I put my fear in His hands.

Today I have felt challenged by God. If I can put my fear in His hands then, when I was pushed to my limits, why can't I do the same now. Fear comes in many forms. We can be fearful of physical harm, of irrational things (like spiders) and we often pray that God would remove these fears from our lives. But why do we keep hold of our other fears? The fears of what is to come in the future? Of loneliness? Of stepping out in faith? Of change? The most common verse I ever see on people's facebook status' is "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27 

But do we live by this truth?

When I think about giving up fear, it seems strange that we can have the power to strip off the fear that holds us back. But the truth is, we don't. God is the one who lifts that burden, who delivers us from all our fears. We cannot eradicate fear. But Christ can. 

So just as I stood at the sink and sang, and God gave me His word. Just as I sang in the trees, and God gave me his peace. I'm going to sing, and God will take my fears. It really is that simple to give up fear for Lent. 

God Bless

The Family of the King

"If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose."     Philippians 2:1-2


I've been away for weekends before, on holiday with with my family, visiting relatives and friends, even with my church but this weekend just gone I experienced a rare feeling. A feeling of being totally at home, even though I was away from Cheltenham, my birthplace, or Bristol where I now live. Over the weekend it dawned on me that home is not where you pay rent, or keep all your stuff, or even sleep. It's where your family are, it's where you are close to your Father, it's where you feel safest and most loved. 


On Friday I exchanged Bristol for a beautiful house in the middle of the Somerset countryside for a weekend of fellowship, worship and teaching with students from my own church (Pip N Jay) and our brothers and sisters in Christ from other churches in Bristol. This weekend was all about growing together as a community, as a family, learning to support on another as we build God's Kingdom in our "own little patches of earth". 


We were all enriched and taught by the word of God, through some amazing speakers, Tim Silk, Silas Crawley and Andy Stansbury. His word spoke of identity in Christ, seeking His agenda and community. We all sought Him in worship and cast out the things that were holding us back. We spent time meditating on scripture and in prayer. We made new friendships and old friendships grew stronger. We laughed, we walked, we had a quiz. At the heart of this weekend was a simple concept. Family.


God has a passion for family, and wants to see His own family grow, to see all His children take their place in His Kingdom. Just as we rejoice at the birth of a new addition to our human families, so does our Father as we come to recognise Christ as our King. Together we support and love one another as brothers and sisters, a closeness and familiarity that was clear this weekend. 


Being able to share what God is doing in our lives is so important, as is being able to share the things that keep us from seeking Him wholeheartedly. Vulnerability is the key to an intimate relationship with God, being able to come to Him with all our insecurities and sin laid bare. Knowing that the people around us are there as our family, ready to support us, forgive us, pray with us and rejoice in our blessings is a blessing in itself. God not only gives us Himself as our Father, Saviour, Protector and Redeemer but we also have brothers and sisters who can we can share his wonders with. 


This weekend I have felt at home. I have felt loved. I have felt enriched. I have felt relaxed. 


As I come back home and settle into life in Flat 202, I know that I am also at home because here is where my family is, it's where I am close to my Father, it's where I feel safest and most loved. 


God Bless.