I wasn't sure that the blog thing would happen this week. For the past few posts, I have had ideas and thoughts brewing for days, and it has come so easily. But this week, I was blank. I tried everything: meditating on Bible verses, praying, sitting for a while listening for God to place something on my heart, listening to music, going out for a walk. The funny thing is, that the idea for this post came to me when I wasn't pursuing it, when I was stood at the kitchen sink washing some dishes and singing "Faithful One"(Brian Doerksen). This is about something that I didn't think really affected me, but as I thought deeper about it, I realised that it is something that holds many of us back from pursuing God.
I have a friend (and if he's reading this, he knows who he is) who always says "I don't do fear, I gave it up for Lent." Even though he says this on a regular basis, I'm always taken aback a little, because to me, fear isn't something you can just decide to give up. And I always wonder if anyone ever truly can eradicate fear from their lives.
Fear can be damaging. It can be paralysing. It can prevent us from living the fullness of life. But I think what can be the most detrimental aspect of fear is that many of us, and I include myself in this category, have accepted that it is part of life. We allow it to become part of our identity. We allow it to shape and define us.
Now when I said that I didn't think this topic really affected me, I wasn't implying that I am fearless. On reflection, I'm actually a bit of a wuss. Here are some examples:
- My drama teacher at school decided it would be a great idea to go see The Woman in Black at the theatre, and I have never been more scared in my life. For most of the play, I sat there clinging to my best friend and screaming. Admittedly, I wasn't that bad, one girl was in floods of tears when the curtain came up. But the embarrassing bit comes afterwards, as my friend and I could be seen sprinting down the high street to get to the warm safety of the car, jumping out of our skins every time we saw our reflections in the shop windows. (Don't let this put you off going to see the play or the film, or reading the book for that matter, it is amazing!)
- About a year ago, I was walking up the stairs to go to bed and just before I got to the turning at the top of the landing, I saw a MASSIVE spider just chilling out on the top step. He was mocking me clearly, refusing to move. So there I was, frozen halfway up the stairs, unsure whether to risk running past him, or go back down stairs to get my Dad (which of course would mean turning my back on the monster, which was an unattractive idea) In the end I decided that screaming was the way forward.
- For my sister's hen party, my other big sister decided it would be a wonderful idea to go to Go Ape! A high ropes course in the middle of a forest. She made this decision knowing full well that I don't deal well with being suspended from a wire at great height, whilst being expected to complete an obstacle course (whatever happened to spa weekends, or excessive alcohol consumption?) I did complete the course, but I still had to endure the humiliation of skipping parts of the course that my mum managed to do (and she's no spring chicken!) I hope my mum doesn't read this.
These fears may seem trivial and now I can look back and laugh at how silly I was. But at the time, the fear was real and paralysing. When I was stood at the kitchen sink this week, singing that song, I was reminded of another time I sang it to diffuse my fear. Because what got me through that high ropes course was not determination, or even the encouragement from my family around me. About halfway through the course, I decided to stop looking down, and I began to sing. I asked God to be with me, I gave Him thanks for being my Deliverer, and I put my fear in His hands.
Today I have felt challenged by God. If I can put my fear in His hands then, when I was pushed to my limits, why can't I do the same now. Fear comes in many forms. We can be fearful of physical harm, of irrational things (like spiders) and we often pray that God would remove these fears from our lives. But why do we keep hold of our other fears? The fears of what is to come in the future? Of loneliness? Of stepping out in faith? Of change? The most common verse I ever see on people's facebook status' is "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27
But do we live by this truth?
When I think about giving up fear, it seems strange that we can have the power to strip off the fear that holds us back. But the truth is, we don't. God is the one who lifts that burden, who delivers us from all our fears. We cannot eradicate fear. But Christ can.
So just as I stood at the sink and sang, and God gave me His word. Just as I sang in the trees, and God gave me his peace. I'm going to sing, and God will take my fears. It really is that simple to give up fear for Lent.
God Bless
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