Break Every Chain

"It is finished."   John 19:30


What happens when we don't believe these words? What happens when, no matter how many times we say them in the depths of our hearts, we don't believe the truth from Jesus' own lips?


It has been a very long time since my last post, and that's partly because of a mountain of coursework and revision that has been keeping me very busy, and partly because I haven't really been able to explain or formulate in my mind what I have been wanting to write. 


As my first year of university is drawing to an end, I have spent a lot of time over the past few weeks reflecting on all that has happened and changed in the past few months. This time last year I was stressed out, revising for my A Levels, unaware of what direction I was going in. I think its fair to say that my life has come full circle, and looking back at all the ups and downs of the last year is completely humbling. The truth that God was with me guiding me through all the downs and rejoicing with me through the ups hits me like a brick wall. It seems too good to be true, but in hindsight I can see clearly all that he has done, how much he has changed me, taught me and recreated me this year. 


Now don't worry, the purpose of this post isn't to bore you with all the details of the past year, but what I do hope to do is pass on a little of what God has been teaching me in the past few weeks. It's hard to explain this without first admitting some of the struggles I have been having, and how God, with his amazing love, has carried me through.


It's true that all of us, no matter how 'holy' we make ourselves appear, slip up. But I think that sometimes knowing about God and believing that we are meant to have eternal life with Him causes us to put pressure on ourselves. When we make mistakes, as Christians, we feel unworthy, unloving, false. For a long time this is how I have felt. I have carried around a lot of shame and fear that I would discovered as a 'phony' Christian. I felt like at any moment someone was going to tell me that my ticket into heaven was void, that I was barred from approaching the throne of God. I tried to hide from this, tried to cover my failings up, but ultimately my sin would keep coming back, and no matter how much I told myself "I am forgiven," in my heart I clung on to the belief that my sin was too much.


About a month ago I had a word from God during a time of worship. It pointed me towards 1Corinthians 13. At first I thought to myself, "why am I reading this?" I knew these verses almost off by heart, they're pretty much staple verses. But as I read on and listened to the music in the background I begun to realise that God wanted me to relearn something, something that I had forgotten. 


"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."     1 Corinthians 13: 4-8


Love never fails. Ever.


It was becoming clear to me as I read this that God wanted to teach me about His love, again. That somewhere along the way I had lost the feeling of amazement and awe of His presence in my life. That I had gotten too comfortable with the idea of Him. 


Over time I have come to realise that although I am significant enough that God has saved me, that He continues to reach out to me, that He loves me that much, I am not so significant that I could be the only exception to His sacrificial love. For a long time I had been walking around, completely convicted of the saving power of the Cross, in awe of the power it has, praying that I would someday see my friends realise this. But I had become totally numbed to the fact that this has already happened in my life. I was so overwhelmed by the things that had gone wrong in my life, in the things that I had done, that I felt unsaved. That couldn't be farther from the truth.


The Cross isn't something that you can just take back and ask for a refund or exchange. It isn't subjective, there aren't any terms and conditions. If God's love can move the mountains, its hardly going to run away at the sight of my sin. Christ saved me, and there is nothing I can do to mess this up. 


Once I had begun to realise that Christ's sacrifice on the cross was the final word, I felt unburdened. Because in spite of my mistakes and my sin, God's love is so GOOD that it does not hold onto these things, and neither should I. Fear that I will sin again is still with me. But I know that God is also there and that He isn't going anywhere, He has got me. Looking back on the past year, it hasn't been much different than other years, because even though lots about my life has changed, I'm in the same place now that I was a year ago. Preparing for exams, stressed out (sometimes), unaware of what the future holds. And God is still with me. I haven't driven him away yet, and I'm pretty sure I wont. Ever. 


Aware that this post is in danger of turning into a novel, I will wrap up with a few closing truths.
There is power in the name of Jesus.
It does break every chain.
And His love never fails.


And this Easter, a LOT of praise will be sent God's way for this!


God Bless and a very Happy Easter.