Sigh No More

"Every day I will praise you
     and extol your name for ever and ever."    Psalm 145: 2


 I will be the first to admit that self-motivation is not one of my strong points. This is obviously a hindrance when my degree depends upon the fact that I learn to manage my time well. Being a History student doesn't help this situation, with only around 10 hours contact time a week, the free time rarely equates to "independent study" time. It's more like "independent sleepy, eaty, watch a filmy" time. A lot of time is spent reflecting on how productive my day has been with disappointment. 


OK, so it seems that all I do is pay three grand a year to lounge around ... this is not true! But I will admit that up until recently I have gotten by with only doing what is required of me, and its been less than enjoyable. For a few months its been hard for me to find motivation and interest in my course, despite the fact that I'm confident that I'm in the right place, and doing what God has called me to do. 


A while ago, one of my non-Christian friends criticised me (in a friendly and helpful way, I should add) on spending more time on my faith than my studies. It's true that I would rather spend my time reading scripture, in prayer, worshipping or talking about God than writing an essay on the Korean War, but it really struck me that he saw these two aspects of my life as separated and in conflict with one another. Whenever I think about my faith in God, I had assumed that it filled up every part of me, and that it informed all aspects of my life. But the truth is, I had shut Him out of my academic career for a long time. 


Scripture calls us to be dwelling on God at all times and to do everything for His glory.
 --> "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."   1Corinthians 10:31
With this in mind, serving God can come in many forms. If we are truly cross-centred men and women, then we should see Christ's love and glory filling every aspect of our lives until it overflows, and we should be worshipping and praising God constantly for this. Now I'm not suggesting that we have to all get together and have a worship marathon that lasts for days (although that would be amazing, if not extremely exhausting) but finding time to thank God for the little things, the things we take for granted, like toothpaste, and the opportunity to talk to people at the bus stop, or for his protection as we cross the road, reminds us of His constant presence in our everyday lives.


When we are called or placed somewhere by the Lord, He obviously has plans for us, and lessons for us to learn. In my case, God put on this course for a reason, and although His motives may not yet be apparent, He requires me to give my all, for His glory. What I have learnt is that serving and worshipping Him isn't always about singing songs or volunteering to help out in your community. Doing what He has called us to do, and following His agenda daily is ultimately the best way to serve God's purpose and become kingdom builders. 


A few weeks ago, I had a bit of a revelation. If God truly does know my heart better than I do, and has plans for me, why would he send me to do something that I am going to fail at or have no motivation to do?  And even though many parts of me still want to scream when faced with reading a journal article on middle class conciousness in revolutionary France, entering into such a task with the thought that, despite myself, God truly has given me a passion for my subject and an enquiring mind to learn more about the world I live in, helps me to find enjoyment and motivation. In the end, what more motivation do I need than a chance to serve the Lord who I love and draw nearer to Him? 


Maybe sometimes we all need to take a step back and think about the areas of our lives where we know God is prompting and nudging us to do something but we feel a lack of motivation. 


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to Him, and He will direct your paths."      Proverbs 3:5-6


Peace and Love 

You Know Me

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."   John 15:13

It's St Valentine's Day today, if any of you were unsure of the date, and I know as a single, post-feminism woman I should be writing a bitter message about how commercialised, old fashioned and sickening this day is. In the past I have held these views, but now as a follower of Christ, I can't help but rejoice at a day dedicated to LOVE. 

After reading back over my previous post, I think I didn't really explain well how fear is overcome. It isn't something that just comes naturally as soon as you come to know God, but is through a recognition of His love and a concious act of faith that He will protect us when we are in those dark places that saves us from fear. Fear is OF this world, which, as Christians we know cannot allow to dictate our lives, but instead we turn to God's love and celebrate that through loving and following Him with our whole being. 

And on a day that is all about the L-word, I couldn't help but think about what it all actually means. Over the weekend, I spent time with people I love very much, friends and family, and I truly feel blessed to have them in my life. But I know that if I relied on their love alone, I would still have days where I feel lonely and unloved. There would still be moments where someone speaks harsh words over me and I believe them. There would be times where I would find myself wishing that I had more relationships, seeking more and more worldly love. 

We humans are obsessed with understanding and analysing love. This is the basis of many novels, songs and films. Looking at my film collection tonight I can see that I have been drawn into this trap (excluding the odd action film or adventure/fantasy series it mostly comprises of romcoms and period dramas). Although it isn't exactly a sin to enjoy these films, it does seem a little ridiculous to base my understanding of a loving relationship on whatever predicament Katherine Hiegl has gotten herself into lately.

The truth is, despite Jane Austen's literary brilliance, she cannot match my Father in heaven or his "Guide to Loving for Dummies" (AKA The Bible). 

Through the Gospel we can learn how to love. Through Christ's example we know that it is unconditional. And through God's grace we know that it is never-ending.

This truth is made even more amazing by the fact that he loves us in spite of our insignificance and sinfulness. The title of this post refers to my favourite song at the moment, "You Know Me" by Bethel Music feat. Steffany Frizzell. The lyrics of this song are hugely powerful and remind me of how far God's love reaches:

You know when I rise, and when I fall

When I come or go, You see it all

You hung the stars and You move the sea

And still you know me

This God, who created the world, and has power over everything surely has more important things to be doing than watching over me? He knows that I turn away from Him, and He knows that I will never be able to love Him back the same way He loves me, yet he still seeks me out. He loved me so much that He suffered and died for me, so that I could be free of chains. He knows everything about me, He knows exactly how I feel, and He knows what I need. 

It's too much to put into words. Except - God is Love!

So as this Valentine's Day is drawing to a close, I'm not going to do what I have done in previous years (eat lots of chocolate and feel sorry for myself). because I know that the love I receive today is far greater than a dozen red roses, or an engagement ring. It will last tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. It will be for eternity. 

God Bless.

Rock of Peace

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4


I wasn't sure that the blog thing would happen this week. For the past few posts, I have had ideas and thoughts brewing for days, and it has come so easily. But this week, I was blank. I tried everything: meditating on Bible verses, praying, sitting for a while listening for God to place something on my heart, listening to music, going out for a walk. The funny thing is, that the idea for this post came to me when I wasn't pursuing it, when I was stood at the kitchen sink washing some dishes and singing "Faithful One"(Brian Doerksen). This is about something that I didn't think really affected me, but as I thought deeper about it, I realised that it is something that holds many of us back from pursuing God. 


I have a friend (and if he's reading this, he knows who he is) who always says "I don't do fear, I gave it up for Lent." Even though he says this on a regular basis, I'm always taken aback a little, because to me, fear isn't something you can just decide to give up. And I always wonder if anyone ever truly can eradicate fear from their lives. 


Fear can be damaging. It can be paralysing. It can prevent us from living the fullness of life. But I think what can be the most detrimental aspect of fear is that many of us, and I include myself in this category, have accepted that it is part of life. We allow it to become part of our identity. We allow it to shape and define us. 


Now when I said that I didn't think this topic really affected me, I wasn't implying that I am fearless. On reflection, I'm actually a bit of a wuss. Here are some examples:

• My drama teacher at school decided it would be a great idea to go see The Woman in Black at the theatre, and I have never been more scared in my life. For most of the play, I sat there clinging to my best friend and screaming. Admittedly, I wasn't that bad, one girl was in floods of tears when the curtain came up. But the embarrassing bit comes afterwards, as my friend and I could be seen sprinting down the high street to get to the warm safety of the car, jumping out of our skins every time we saw our reflections in the shop windows. (Don't let this put you off going to see the play or the film, or reading the book for that matter, it is amazing!)
• About a year ago, I was walking up the stairs to go to bed and just before I got to the turning at the top of the landing, I saw a MASSIVE spider just chilling out on the top step. He was mocking me clearly, refusing to move. So there I was, frozen halfway up the stairs, unsure whether to risk running past him, or go back down stairs to get my Dad (which of course would mean turning my back on the monster, which was an unattractive idea) In the end I decided that screaming was the way forward.
• For my sister's hen party, my other big sister decided it would be a wonderful idea to go to Go Ape! A high ropes course in the middle of a forest. She made this decision knowing full well that I don't deal well with  being suspended from a wire at great height, whilst being expected to complete an obstacle course (whatever happened to spa weekends, or excessive alcohol consumption?) I did complete the course, but I still had to endure the humiliation of skipping parts of the course that my mum managed to do (and she's no spring chicken!) I hope my mum doesn't read this. 

These fears may seem trivial and now I can look back and laugh at how silly I was. But at the time, the fear was real and paralysing. When I was stood at the kitchen sink this week, singing that song, I was reminded of another time I sang it to diffuse my fear. Because what got me through that high ropes course was not determination, or even the encouragement from my family around me. About halfway through the course, I decided to stop looking down, and I began to sing. I asked God to be with me, I gave Him thanks for being my Deliverer, and I put my fear in His hands.

Today I have felt challenged by God. If I can put my fear in His hands then, when I was pushed to my limits, why can't I do the same now. Fear comes in many forms. We can be fearful of physical harm, of irrational things (like spiders) and we often pray that God would remove these fears from our lives. But why do we keep hold of our other fears? The fears of what is to come in the future? Of loneliness? Of stepping out in faith? Of change? The most common verse I ever see on people's facebook status' is "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27 

But do we live by this truth?

When I think about giving up fear, it seems strange that we can have the power to strip off the fear that holds us back. But the truth is, we don't. God is the one who lifts that burden, who delivers us from all our fears. We cannot eradicate fear. But Christ can. 

So just as I stood at the sink and sang, and God gave me His word. Just as I sang in the trees, and God gave me his peace. I'm going to sing, and God will take my fears. It really is that simple to give up fear for Lent. 

God Bless